The Halloween Party
By Pegasus ("Who else?")
Ah, Halloween! I just love Halloween, when every one gets dressed up as something they’re not and acts like warthogs. But have you ever noticed that what someone is disguised as is really a hidden part of themselves? Let me illuminate your pumpkin heads. I’d like to tell y’all about a ghost of Halloween past when some of the local deities came to carouse. So sit back and get to know the yokels a bit better...
Predictably, Mars arrived in drag as Little Bo Peep. He looked very cute with his pink bows (and arrows), patent leather booties and walking spear. When we saw the rack of lamb on the dinner table, we figured he must’ve barbequed the sheep (getting into his Aries-sheepish cannibalistic side).
Venus arrived fashionably late. We thought she must have spent too much time in Aquarius when she arrived sporting a neon green Mohawk and several safety pins through her oral protuberances.
Mercury was made up as Marcel Marceau and tried to stay silent the whole night. It wasn’t pretty! His nerves became so rattled by the end of the night that he finally started rhyming off zodiacal keywords to all the signs in sequence, in Hip-Hop style no less, while Mars strummed a tune (of sorts) with his spear on Venus’ Mohawk...
We all knew when Jupiter had arrived—as Mr. Potato Head! I must say the nose and glasses were an improvement, but he went too far when he insisted we had to “sacrifice those heathen carnivores to the Vegetarian God!” He finally settled for Mercury singing a Rap rendition of “I Only Have Eyes For You.”
Saturn arrived looking like a sasquach in heat. Mars got so excited he ran over and started humping him! Saturn icily announced that he was actually dressed as a dancing bear. Venus laughed so hard she swallowed three safety pins and a paper clip.
Neptune arrived drunk and naked, claiming he’d forgotten to get a costume so he thought he’d wear his birthday suit. Mars kept to himself this time—especially when he saw what Neptune really looked like underneath the illusion of his Godly robes. Venus wasn’t so choosy though, and went about seducing Neptune by telling him she was only interested in his mind. Easily persuaded, Neptune fell for it and the two of them disappeared for a while into the 8th house (for some Tantric, um, discussions no doubt...)
Uranus made a surprise entrance dressed as Saturn. He was very convincing with his black suit, tie and briefcase, but kept complaining that the suit itched and the tie was too tight. Pluto suspected Saturn of secretly conspiring to loan Uranus a wool suit that was too small and Saturn demanded a retraction. Uranus just laughed it off, saying it was all part of the true nature of his disguise anyway.
Speaking of Pluto, he and Persephone arrived dressed up as Rocky and Bullwinkle. Since Pluto could turn himself into a bat and fly through the air, he was Rocket J. Squirrel. Persephone ("—Ah, that’s PersePHONE as in telePHONE, not PersephoNEE as in cacophoNEE!—”) donned the antlers of one of Hades’ roadkill residents to go as Bullwinkle the Moose. Being gracious guests, Persie brought a basket of pomegranates for the pot luck and Pluto brought the charcoal and matches for the barbecue.
Last, and probably least, Chiron limped in, dressed up as—are you ready??—ME!!! ROFL Can ya stand it??? He’d gotten Mercury (the little snot) to build some phoney wings out of lemming feathers (very funny, Merc...) and fastened them to his back. He could even flap the stupid things! He kept sneering and taunting me by claiming he could fly rings around me. I shot back, “Don’t make me laugh, I have chapped lips. And with your limp, you should be so lucky to even get off the ground! Besides, you look more like Big Bird.” Guess I ruffled his feathers cause he hobbled off in a huff. Ya know, some deities just don’t know how to suffer gracefully.
And me? Well, I thought of going as a pigeon, dive-bombing the guests and making a gross mess all over the living room (tee-hee). But I figured that would be too predictable and much too “in character.” I never did figure out what to go as, so I just went as myself. I figured I’m so versatile that I can pass for anything—even a disguise! Who’da thunk Chiron would be such a copycat, eh? Hrmph! Totally unoriginal—comes from millennia of waking up as the same old pain in the butt, I guess.
© 1997, 2004 Wendy Guy. All rights reserved. Originally published in Transitions Astrology Newsletter, Fall Equinox 1997 Issue.